The IFoA is pleased to support National Inclusion Week 2023 and in doing so is encouraging IFoA employees to share their stories. Here, Katie Wood, our Quality Assurance Scheme Manager, shares her personal perspective on inclusion, and what it means to her.
I’ll need to give you a bit of background first so look away if you don’t like medical stuff…
I am deaf in my left ear following an incident when I was 7. I am prone to painful infections, which because I don’t have an eardrum can apparently lead to meningitis (how scary is that?) so I can’t swim. I have terrible spatial awareness and can get discombobulated very easily. I spent a lot of time in and out of hospital as a kid but thankfully my last op was when I was 19.
I have a hearing aid which is both wonderful and awful. I got it a couple of years ago (I fitted it myself because it arrived during lockdown – there are no ends to my resourcefulness!!) and heard bird song for the first time in stereo as a result. It was beautiful. I also saw Top Gun: Maverick and this was the first time I was at the cinema and experienced surround sound. Quite cool.
The aid is uncomfy (imagine having an in-ear headphone jammed in for hours and hours and hours), leads to more infections (euuuuwwwww!) and means that when I am somewhere busy, I can hear the people at the next table far better than I can hear the folks I am with. So I don’t always wear it. Particularly when out.
Speaking of going out, if you or anyone you know has a hearing impairment and/or a hearing aid, you are entitled to a Disabled Person’s Railcard which gets you and a companion a third off rail fares.
I find crowds really, really hard to deal with so rarely go for drinks after work or to crowded places. For two reasons really, one – I can’t hear properly, which is annoying for me and feels like it will be annoying for the folks I am with. It is hard to explain, but the more background noise there is, the more I need to concentrate on whoever is speaking and the more discombobulated and dizzy I get, which is frankly, unpleasant (yes, discombobulated is literally my favourite word). And two, in an attempt to try to hear better, I usually sit at the edge of a group so the folk I am with are on my “good side”. This makes me look quite antisocial and exacerbates the feelings of isolation I get when I can’t hear people. I am often the last person to get a joke. So I tend to avoid these situations. It is much easier for me to cope with lunches or a coffee out, when there is less likelihood of background music etc and I can face the person I am with. I love music, of course I do, but when there is music and chat I find it nearly impossible to concentrate on what is being said.
I will always walk on your left if we are walking together. I will always try and sit on the left of a table, preferably at the back on the left in a conference room. But doing that makes me feel awkward and look lost with no pals (I am always grateful when people sit with me, and nervous that they won’t – if you see someone doing what I do, consider sitting with them?).
I can lipread, which is kinda cool. But I do sometimes make a mistake with that, so I am trying to be better at speaking up and ask folks to repeat when I don’t hear, rather than guessing and answering what I thought was being asked. I am starting to learn sign language, which is so beautiful (my favourite signs so far are purple, Wales, Scotland and lighthouse – google them).
I am ashamed to say that I often use humour to try to hide my feelings of discomfort and to explain what I need so I can join in. I shouldn’t do that. I guess 7-year-old me thought a clown is surely easier to spend time with than a fool who needs help and that has sorta stuck.
My wee cousin asked me last year about how she could support me after I reposted a poem from @allontheboard about deafness. She has known me forever, of course, but while she knew about the medical side and remembers all the hospital palavers from our childhood, she didn’t know about the impact of my deafness on day-to-day life. This is what I told her “If in a group, make sure I can see you clearly, be patient if there is a misunderstanding and most importantly don’t mistake quietness or even leaving early for a wish not to socialise with people. Also, this is what works for me, but other deaf people may be different so don’t be afraid to check in and see how you can help include them.”
Here at the IFoA, colleagues have been careful to make sure that they sit opposite me in meetings (and the occasional lunch!) and are being incredibly supportive of me in finding my voice as far as the support I need is concerned. I will be forever grateful to the colleague who scooped me up at our recent away day and made sure I was included in the group at the back of the room.
There is a well know quote about inclusion - “Diversity is being asked to the party, inclusion is being asked to dance”. While the above is very personal to me, others with deafness and hearing impairments will likely have different experiences. Don’t make assumptions, check in with folks if you are not sure, they will be so glad that you have taken the time to do so. Make sure you ask them to the party AND ask them how they like to dance.
I’ll leave you with the poem…
Experiencing the ‘DINNER TABLE SYNDROME’ as a deaf person
can cause feelings of frustration,
Trying to become numb to it may make you feel slightly better,
But it doesn’t improve the situation,
Pretending to understand what’s going on and laughing when others are laughing too,
Because you want to be involved in the conversation,
The sound of silence sounds deafening
to someone feeling invisible and secluded in social isolation,
It's a relief when someone at the dinner table quietly notices and makes an effort towards you with their communication,
Some deaf people lip read and some use sign language only,
Everyone is different,
Ask what’s best for them so words are not lost in translation.
Don’t brush a deaf person aside,
If they ask you to repeat, repeat calmly with patience and the same intonation,
It can be exhausting trying to keep up in a crowd,
Just because someone is deaf they shouldn’t feel desolation,
Lets work together to bring everyone together with awareness,
A better understanding and education,
Deaf people shouldn’t just be seen as being deaf,
They have feelings, thoughts, opinions and emotions like everyone else,
We can learn so much from each other with open minds,
kindness and consideration.
